At First “Tiaras” Olympics Prince Harry Bests Cristiano Ronaldo at Baseball; overall taste

the 201st Post Jubilee Ultra-Fête Week

Yesterday your Blog Hostess (finally) published her 200th post. How to mark such an event? Theme week, oh yeah! We’ve declared these next 7 days (or next 7 posts; whichever comes last) to be the 200th Post Jubilee. A quick Tiaras & Trianon P.S.A: things might get a little zany, self-indulgent. (You know, like the New York Times. HA!) Don’t believe me? Exhibit A: I included footnotes, mainly to amuse myself. Exhibit B:
Today is the inaugural Tiaras and Trianon Olympics!

Prince Harry’s Ceremonial First Pitch at Shea Stadium

I love this clip because (1) Harry is in my beloved Shea Stadium, former home of the NY Mets, and reservoir of my favorite childhood memories☨ (2) I was at that game. (3) Although outside the strike zone, Prince Harry threw a pretty decent pitch. He threw from regulation distance and the catcher remained in a crouch instead of standing in front of the plate and catching the usual lob floated in by most ceremonial first pitchers. I wonder if Harry asked to do it by the book or that’s the default setting. (4) Unlike many Europeans I know, Prince Harry wears the sh*t out of that baseball cap. In fact, Clad in loose corduroys and a T-shirt, Prince Harry looks like most of the guys with whom I went to college. To quote my father, the furthest person from a monarchist you could imagine, “I like that Harry though. He seems like fun, the kinda guy you can have a beer with.” It seems you have a beer and watch the game his HRH Harry of Wales. Good show!

Cristiano Ronaldo’s Wild First Pitch in Dodger Stadium

Now we have living proof that there is no correlation between any sports, tactically or physically. I hate it when American commentators try to explain football-football with basketball similes. Just like raisins, don”t get me started! Pregame, Ronaldo horsed around with some of the players, showing off his mad skills bouncing a baseball Off his ankles and toes. Real Madrid’s right-forward maybe ambidextrous with his feet, but ask the Portuguese pretty boy to use his hands and you get this:

christiano ronaldo bad pitch mechanics

Besides releasing the ball too early (both times!) What’s with that limp-wrist-twist? Bad form, dude!

It is the first wild ceremonial first pitch in US History, right into the expensive seats no less! Normally a bad first pitch never crosses the plate, falls short in the grass and everyone has a good-natured chuckle with soft applause. We gotta tip our chaplets to Madrid’s number 7: he managed not to threaten the spectators’ safety the second time around. Yeah, the second ball remained on the field, but it was still ridiculously high. If Yasiel Puig weren’t 6’3″ [1,91 m], the outfielder would have had to jump for it.♦ Sorry, CR9, Prince Harry wins this round.

cristiano ronaldo biceps pectorals

Just the tackiest thing alive: (left) CR sporting what my husband would call a “boobies shirt” and (R) “Who me? Flexing? Naw…this is part of a really real pitching wind-up.”

A sad truth for Ronnie:  anointing thyself with copious amount of product with which Ronaldo shellacked his coiffure is not a performance-enhancing drug. Seriously, dude? Athletes take showers after the game, they don’t primp like prom queens before the starting whistle. While We’re on the subject of crippling metrosexuality, what the hell’s with the shirt, Cristiano? Did you have it personally tailored to show off your pecs? That’s not European-cut, it’s a wardrobe prop leftover from the movie Zoolander.

when did it become “rip unceremoniously on Cristiano Ronaldo day”?

because every day is that day *finger pyradmid of evil* CR just heaved the ball as hard as his lactic acid-filled muscles would permit. The Real Madrid YouTube channel offers this footage.

What cracks me up is that shellacked henge in the Dodgers’ batting cages. Check out the pitches they’re feeding him, underhand just like somebody’s dad in your second-grade, rec baseball games. We wonder if this footage was re-cut so it appeared he was making contact on every throw. Heh, dork.  Real Madrid also doctored his display on the pitchers mound. They showed only the second pitch. A national treasure, that one.

Harry at a Charity event this July Past

Harry, on the other hand, had the stones to try his swing in front of packed bleachers. I love how politely baffled the English reporter sounds.

Just to interject Mr. Reporter-Guy, the man in red is not a batting coach, it’s the Yankees two-time All Star Mark Texiera. What I can’t figure out is why the camera pans outward just as the Prince goes into his batting stance. I wanted a better look at the mechanics of Harry’s swing. Guess it was a cricket cameraman. Production value aside, his Majesty makes contact with the ball, drives it a decent distance. (None of my hits in 5 years of Wyckoff Rec Softball ever got that far. For once, I assure you I’m not being fatuous.)

prince harry sweeps in all events

So there you have it: Prince Harry beats Cristiano Ronaldo at basic hand-eye co-ordination, good-nature, ability to assimilate and correct attire. Did you know, Ronaldo, you were out-of-uniform by refusing to cover your Axe-Styling-Gel monolith with a baseball hat? As far as I know the Commissioner of Baseball does not have a regulation on pectoral-tracing jerseys but WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR GLOVE? Number 7 posed with the mitt–flexing the whole time–during practice, but didn’t bring it to the mound, Ironic considering how handy it would have come in when Puig had to throw you a new ball for your second try. That’s beyond out-of-uniform, that’s just, well–who the hell does that? Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro that’s an ‘unprepared’ for the day! Go sit in the corner. No chocolate milk at snack either.

Punctilious Prince Harry was prepared. (Cap, glove, on-base single.) Real Madrid will always be my favorite team, but that doesn’t mean I have to like Mr. dos Santos Aveiro. His ego has its own Vuitton steamer trunk; it costs a fortune in overweight baggage fees. Conversely, after his hitting display, Prince Harry admitted quaintly that it’s “quite difficult.” Everyone likes polite.


☨ They tore down sweet Shea Stadium after the 2007 season. It broke my heart and just to twist the knife, the demolition was completed on my birthday! The main staircase collapsed to the asphalt and crumbled to rubble, ah morrinha.

“Football-football is how We refer to not-American football.

♦ Puig, an outfielder, was permitted to stand in for the catcher because he claims to be a soccer aficionado.

About ♔ la dauphiine ♔

Connecticut-based jewelry monger, history buff, Mets fan. On the hum-drum side, call me a lauded poet, novelist and ghost-writer. (That's right, I haunt prose.)
This entry was posted in court and social, sportifs royaux and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to At First “Tiaras” Olympics Prince Harry Bests Cristiano Ronaldo at Baseball; overall taste

  1. Angelyn says:

    not-American football–you could even say that about American soccer, too. there’s no comparison. Boob-shirt–hee! I put the prince “of soccer” (their christening, not mine) on my author facebook page. Dispensing hugs all ’round.


  2. Mama Bear says:

    Never heard of that Cristiano dude…but Prince Harry can eat crackers in my bed anytime!!


  3. Pingback: the Sport of Kings | tiaras and trianon

  4. Pingback: the Sport of Kings | tiaras and trianon

  5. Pingback: Windsors Aren’t Seth MacFarlane’s First Royal Send-up | tiaras and trianon

it's not just a love-affair with my own voice

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s