your blog hostess

your blog hostess is goes by many a moniker, a few alter egos…and those are the most normal things about her. 

as interviewed by yet another, more critical, alter ego  of the dauphine’s…let’s call her Q. 

Q: So, you refer to yourself as “dauphine” sometimes spelled “dauphiine;” our “Blog Hostess” and the “Marchioness von Čáslav zu Kolwrot.” Is there any explanation for these multiple personae?

BH: [thinks.] Well, ‘dauphiine’ is my WordPress name as well as my Gravatar and Twitter handle. Dauphine spelled correctly was taken. Shocker! I just started calling myself your Blog Hostess at some point imagining each post as a little trip and I’m your stewardess, here to make everything as comfortable and fun as possible. I guess it’s a throwback to when stewardesses–ahem–flight attendants were called Air Hostesses. You know, back when they were still nice…and pretty—  

Q: [Laughs] The ego on this one!

BH: [laughing too.] Based on the quality I’m trying to provide, I fancy myself a stewardess on one of those all First Class flights, like the famous New York to Singapore nonstop that serves a nine-course meal, including lobster. Yep, your Blog Hostess is putting in the effort. As for the Marchioness v. Čāslav, that’s just a matter of heresy & conjecture. Family rumor that the Bohemian part of my bloodline boasts not just the Marquisate of Čáslav but also the County of Kolwrot. Hilarious and impossible to prove, but so much fun to use those Eastern European punctuation marks…I just decided to use it as yet another nom de plume as I have an aversion to using my real name. In case you’re curious. I’ve also gone by Sophie Costanza née Barnes [a character from my novel] and various nicknames from my childhood.

Q: For somebody who [accusatory cough] claims to have a magna cum laude degree in Creative Writing and Literature, your grammar leaves a lot to be desired.

BH: That’s easy. In our literature classes, we were taught to have flawless grammar, syntax, etc. In our poetry and prose workshops, we were allowed to throw all that out the window in the name of poetic license. Having dominated the written language, we’d earned the right to dismiss it.

Q: And your obvious disdain for capitalization?

BH: That’s all me. I just never liked capital letters, especially in my name, as I never felt I’d grown tall enough to deserve them. OH! That’s brings me to yet another of my nicknames. In junior high, my friend Jess Cavuoto called me ‘Lower Case N’ after that bit on Sesame Street. [Hi Jess!]

Q: Sounds like you’re just being lazy.

BH: Au contraire. I’ve gone mad with power. If this were a manuscript for submission, a term paper, or a thank-you card, everything would be letter-perfect. [Forgive the pun.] However, Tiaras and Trianon is my own kingdom, I rule [insert God complex] so I do what I please. Did I ever tell you I once tried to defect & start my own country? The major problem I ran into was a lack of land. Cyberspace did not count, apparently. The UN has not responded to my petition.

Q: [Rolls eyes subtly.] What’s with the brackets? You do realize you should be using parenthesis. Is this part of your Goddess Complex?

BH: Nope! I’m not sure from where that originated. Maybe I wish I knew how to write code. I know I like the way it looks more. Not to mention it’s a good way to avoid an accidental emoticon.

Q: What’s with the ‘we’ all the time? The third person? Is that supposed to be the Royal We, the Editorial We or just like Lenny from Grapes of Wrath?

BH: Definitely intended to be the Royal We, but I searched and there are no rules listed as to how to use it properly…egads. Is the pronoun capitalized? Does one use their name in the third person when not using “we” and “us?” Does the lack of information that signify that current monarchs don’t use the Royal We anymore? Guess I’ll have to ask Crown Princess Victoria when I win my Nobel Prize for Literature. [quaint smirk.]

Q: [Snort of derision.] Yeah, and she’ll loan you a tiara from the Bernadotte Collection too, right? [Chortles.] You are a funny girl, dauphiine. Wait, what the hell is your real name?

BH: My given name is Nicole Elizabeth Franco, Mr. Blog Hostess’ last name is Zarco so now I sound super-ethnic.

Q: You’re of Spanish descent & speak French?

BH: Nope. I speak fluent Spanish & took a few years of French that I’ve mostly forgotten. Mr. Blog Hostess is from Madrid, born & raised. I’m Italian, Bohemian [Czech], Dutch, Danish and Belgian. The Franco comes from Dad’s Italiaans. I’m most proud of my Dutch and Bohemian bloodlines though.

Q: You excel at straying from the topic. That is really unprofessional and a sign of poor writing.

BH: [exposes palms in sign of surrender.] I know, I know! So guilty. My blog isn’t an essay, it’s written as I research the topic. Somewhere in between chain-of-thought and something even more outlandish. Like written stand-up? Nah. I’m flattering myself there. Straying from the topic allows my humor to shines through, which is really what makes my blog different. Let’s face it, there are at dozens upon dozens of royalty websites, many exclusively dedicated to tiaras. I try to make mine different with my sarcasm and random flights of fancy. It’s quite easy to just throw up a few paragraphs of dry information and, honestly, that’s what many Internet searchers want. I am catering to the person who enjoys reading and appreciates the little things: wise cracks & photo collages.

Q: Yet you don’t label any of your posts “Humor.”

BH: No, a few humor bloggers, with whom I have a nice rapport on Twitter or wherever, have told me that, “this kind of stuff” just doesn’t interest them. Fair enough. Making history and jewelry hilarious is a tall order. Besides, from first glance, the posts would appear to be mislabeled. The titles aren’t snarky or anything.

I can be contacted at:

la.dauphiine@gmail.com

 

@dauphiine (screen name ♔ marchioness ♔)

awards 2012